Incomplete

I know whats rational, reasonable, I can't get to rest my feelings still.
May be if she lived my life, she would have lived it well.
I hated him passionately for creating me the way I am.
I dont know when I'll be done. I dont know when I should stop.
I see i've come to numbness
Pardon me if I 've sold my soul to something else. I'm drained of will and strength to choose.
I cant want what you give. I cant not want what I want.
I could be useful if u just consider. if you just saw or cared. if u were ever there and not just stare. I bled but have not fled. I still am.
I know you want nothing to do with me.
I know I walked away
I know I have this hell to cross on my way back.
I dont why I cant move why I fall over and over again

A something

All inanimate things in life are programmed, a wall withstands force, steam heats, feather falls, they are programmed and their actions are definite to a predictable degree. But they control us, our stimuli, our chemical balance, smell, taste, but how I act on what I see is left to me, the domain is created. Free will as something opposed to having one choice is rather a choice out of two or four, there's is always something good, right, a higher will, a direction, hazy but always there.

A silent sublime answer

Who am I ? There are days when you wanna know the answer and days when you're somehow convinced that you know enough about who you are (what you don't know cant hurt you right?).
Would it kill you to find out? No!. Nevertheless something in your head aligns to a calmer and peaceful perspective, you stop asking,you stop seeking, you stop nailing the abstract to a visible wall , you find things which you never found before, you see the what and why and how dissolve into thin air, you wonder why you had to stop and ask questions about something which was always there, something which you already knew. I know its not gonna stay long, as soon as things get messy and out of control, all the calm disappears. I'm not in the know anymore and am seeking again desperately.